When I was younger I would come to this lake all the time, and just sit and watch the water hit the rocks. I would breath in the fresh air and try to find my grounding again. Sometimes that was by praying, some times that was by writing, and sometimes it was just being still. Doing nothing but just taking in that moment of solitude. I wouldn’t leave until I could think straight again, and found some peace in the situation that I was faced with.
Today I came here for the first time in a long time. I wasn’t alone, I had my daughter with me while my boys were in school. I thought because she had fallen asleep in the car seat I could come here and just try to find the peace I was desperately looking for. I needed just a few minutes to myself, in that moment, to just be still. To pray.
I parked the car, and took a deep breath. Finally silence. Just me, the water, the Lord, and my sleeping baby girl. Well that moment lasted for about 10 seconds, and then my daughter woke up. She immediately started to fuss to get out of her car seat. I wanted to cry, out of pure exhaustion, but instead I found myself laughing. It was comical really, that I actually thought I would get a few minutes to just be… I went and got her and brought her into the front seat with me. She then proceeded to press every button possible on the dash and steering wheel. I am fairly confident at one point my car had its hazards, lights and blinkers on all at once, while occasionally honking. I sat there thinking how this was the exact opposite of the peaceful moment I had anticipated. She then looks up at me and smiled the biggest smile, so excited by all these new buttons to push. And I smiled too, through tears. I laid my head on hers and cried, but not out of sadness. Out of sheer happiness and joy to be in this exact moment, with this sweet little girl who loves me so much. Something I haven’t felt in the recent days. I have been so dragged down by my family’s current circumstances that I have had a really hard time finding the joy in much of anything. But here I was sitting in the same exact spot I had sat so many times before, and I found the exact thing I needed. I found a glimmer of hope in my baby girls smile. A reminder that things are actually pretty amazing right now, even though a few things are weighing heavy on my heart and mind. It got me wondering how many of you out there are feeling the same way as I was only minutes ago, how many of you are so desperate for just a moment of clarity..so desperate for hope. So I decided to write a letter to you, from me.
Dear Desperate Momma,
I know its hard. Every day you try your hardest, and most days it doesn’t feel like enough. I know that you feel alone, and overwhelmed and wonder if anyone sees or understands your pain. It wouldn’t be fair for me to say I know your pain, I don’t, just as you don’t know mine, but I see you in me. I know you strive for success in all areas of your life, but regardless of constant effort, one area or another always feels like its failing. I am there with you, and more importantly, so is the Lord. I feel the ache in your heart, and carry the worry in my soul too. I know some days you feel lost, and wonder if you are messing up everything along the way, but I promise you, you’re not. You’re probably doing much better than you are willing to give yourself credit for. I know there are moments when you feel completely overwhelmed and out of control, but can I tell you a secret? Its okay, because God has it under control. You don’t have to. Sometimes it just a matter of letting go, and trusting him to catch you. I know you want those few moments to yourself so desperately, in this exact moment, not 5 hours from now when your husband gets home, or 8 hours from now when your kids are in bed. You want that moment now. But as you see with me, that doesn’t always happen, but I pray that in the exact moment you are in right now, you find that ray of hope as I did today. You find that little one smiling back at you, so thankful to be sitting on your lap, so happy to have you, my friend, as their momma. You will get through this moment. You can, and you will, because you are stronger than you know. You have the will to fight and you have the desire to find the peace and joy just as I do today. That’s what makes you such an amazing Momma. You aren’t just going to raise the white flag and surrender to your circumstances, you are going to fight. You are going to dig deep, and give every last ounce of you that you have offer. That’s what makes you the momma that those kids smiling back at you so adore. That’s what makes you the momma your kids look to for reassurance and guidance time and time again. You momma, are exactly what they need, even when you feel broken and torn down. You momma, are enough.
I love this. Through my pregnancy there have been some really difficult patches, I was let go from my job a week after I told them I was pregnant and legal action followed suit. It’s been an emotional season with all of the above and it felt like it robbed us of a lot of our joy at the beginning, and at different stages in the middle as the stress increased financially or otherwise. We’ve gotten through it and we’re now just awaiting this precious bundle that will arrive any day now… but there were definitely times we needed some prayer and encouragement. Thank you for sharing your moment. It will be a precious moment with your baby girl that you will always remember. 🙂
Thank you, and you’re right, it was a precious moment that I will definitely hang on to. I am so sorry you have had such a hard time during your pregnancy! I am so glad things are starting to turn around for you though!! I cant wait to see pictures when your sweet baby arrives!!
There’s nothing like the smile or hug of a young child to lift one’s spirit and to give a person hope. I felt it today with my four year old. God gives us what we need when we need it!
I love that. God definitely does give us what we need. We are very blessed Mama’s.
There’s nothing like the smile or hug of a young child to lift one’s spirit and to give a person hope. I felt it today with my four year old. God gives us what we need when we need it!
I love that. God definitely does give us what we need. We are very blessed Mama’s.
Nicole, this is beautiful.. It is a message every mother needs to hear at some point.
I too find my peace sitting on the shore, watching the lake rush over the rocks. It is hard to find peace when your little ones are so young. Someday you will have more time for yourself. In the meantime, be proud of what you are accomplishing.
Thank you so much Michele!! <3
Nicole, this is beautiful.. It is a message every mother needs to hear at some point.
I too find my peace sitting on the shore, watching the lake rush over the rocks. It is hard to find peace when your little ones are so young. Someday you will have more time for yourself. In the meantime, be proud of what you are accomplishing.
Thank you so much Michele!! <3
This is a message that every mother needs/has needed to hear at some point. You really hit the nail on the head with how hard things can be, yet how if we can get out of our own way and give God the control, it can make a huge difference. Thanks for the reminder!
You are very welcome, it is a reminder for myself too.. Its so easy to lose sight of the important things at times…but you are right we just need to stop, and let God <3
This is a message that every mother needs/has needed to hear at some point. You really hit the nail on the head with how hard things can be, yet how if we can get out of our own way and give God the control, it can make a huge difference. Thanks for the reminder!
You are very welcome, it is a reminder for myself too.. Its so easy to lose sight of the important things at times…but you are right we just need to stop, and let God <3
As I read this I told myself I wasn’t going to cry. Nope not me! I was fine until I saw your letter at the bottom. I share those feelings and this week, today has been particularly difficult. I’m grateful for you words and encouragement. Thanks for sharing. ♥
Aww I am sorry it made you cry, but sometimes we just need to let it out!! I am so glad it encouraged you.. I am sorry you are having a difficult week, Ill keep you in my prayers tonight.. I hope your weekend goes great and you are surrounded by love!!! XO
As I read this I told myself I wasn’t going to cry. Nope not me! I was fine until I saw your letter at the bottom. I share those feelings and this week, today has been particularly difficult. I’m grateful for you words and encouragement. Thanks for sharing. ♥
Aww I am sorry it made you cry, but sometimes we just need to let it out!! I am so glad it encouraged you.. I am sorry you are having a difficult week, Ill keep you in my prayers tonight.. I hope your weekend goes great and you are surrounded by love!!! XO
What an awesome place to spend time with the Lord! And so sweet to share this moment with your girl. I am sorry that you don’t have peace right now and pray for whatever circumstances your family is facing. And what a sweet letter! Every Mama needs to read this, for sure.
What an awesome place to spend time with the Lord! And so sweet to share this moment with your girl. I am sorry that you don’t have peace right now and pray for whatever circumstances your family is facing. And what a sweet letter! Every Mama needs to read this, for sure.
I’m a desperate gramma and a childcare provider! I have a grown daughter living at home going to college, another grown daughter, her husband and one-year-old son who are currently living with us. My two grown sons don’t live with me but one of them has a 4-year-old son who I care for every day. I also care for another 4 to 5 children. Your letter spoke to me, thank you!!
I’m a desperate gramma and a childcare provider! I have a grown daughter living at home going to college, another grown daughter, her husband and one-year-old son who are currently living with us. My two grown sons don’t live with me but one of them has a 4-year-old son who I care for every day. I also care for another 4 to 5 children. Your letter spoke to me, thank you!!