Recently one of our sons have really been struggling with his self-confidence. As a mom, this has been heart breaking to watch him navigate. I have been determined to help him find his confidence again. I want my son to look at himself, and see his self worth. I want him to see what I see. A strong, handsome, brave, loving, smart, compassionate little boy who has a heart of gold. So I came up with a list of how I was going to help him, and I thought I would share it with all of you, because I know there are other parents and children struggling with this as well.
1. Show them things they can do: Kids naturally start to struggle with confidence when they are faced with things that they have a lot of trouble with, like for instance my son struggles with math, but has loved learning how to read. The less pressure we put on becoming better at math, and the more emphasis we put on how amazing he was doing with his reading, the less scarier math felt for him. In fact this week, he told me math was his new favorite thing because he was getting faster at it, and that happened on his own. Yes we have worked on his math at home, but not anymore than we would his reading. I did not want math to start to feel like a punishment to him, by having to practice it over and over again.
2. Getting them involved in activities: I never in my life thought I would be a “karate mom” but I recently signed my son up for some classes, and he LOVES it. The teachers or “Sensei’s” which is teacher in Japanese, have such an amazing talent of knowing what to say when a child is timid, or lacks self esteem. Like for instance, they picked up on the fact that my son may be intimidated by adults (due to recent bullying issues), by his lack of eye contact, and they talked to him about that. I was amazed. What was even more amazing was the smile on my little boys face when we left. So pick something that maybe your child has always wanted to try, or has shown interest in. Things like sports, arts and crafts, music classes, swimming lessons, explorers club… Anything that you know they will enjoy, and that they can meet other kids with common interests.
3. Teach them something that challenges them, but is achievable. My son had been feeling pretty out of control of his current circumstances in life (the bullying, the physical therapy.. all of it) and I could tell it was really getting to him. So I tried to think of something that he could have control over, but did not have control at that particular time. Something new, that he could find pride in. Then one day it hit me, he had been wanting to learn how to tie his shoes. But we just never really sat down and took the time to learn how. So I taught him to tie his shoes. The look of achievement on his face when those laces crossed into a bow was too big for words. You could tell it gave him a sense of control, even if it was over something so small and minor in his life. For him, it meant more than that.
4. Purposeful praise: I am a strong believer in praise. I am not someone who is going to tell you to limit the amount of praise you give your child, but what I will say it make it purposeful. Make it count. Make it specific, like for example, if your child cleaned up the dishes without being asked. Don’t just say “thank’s for doing the dishes”. Instead try something more like “Thank you so much for doing such a great job clearing all the dishes, that makes mommy’s night so much easier. I am so glad I have a great helper like you.” Show them you see them and that you actually notice they did it without asking, that they did a good job, and how much it personally means to you. Purposeful praise a few times a day is much more beneficial than empty praise 100 times a day.
5. Be a confident parent: If your child sees that you are constantly unsure of your self, or that you lack a good self image, odds are your kids will feed off of that. Kids so often mimic their parents personality traits, without even knowing they are doing it. Show your child how you personally over come your own challenges. Show them that even though everything does not come easy to you that you persevere, and you make it through on top. The other part of this is, a confident parent also gives their child a sense of security when they themselves may feel unsure. You being confident in a situation that may feel scary to them might be all they need to over come their own fears.
**Bonus tip: Display their art work, awards, trophies, or anything else really special to them to show them you are proud of them and that you think their hard work is worth “showing off”!!
X♥O Nicole
I love all of these tips. I do a lot of these but it helps to read from another’s point of view. Thanks for posting!
Thank you so much Elaine!
I love all of these tips. I do a lot of these but it helps to read from another’s point of view. Thanks for posting!
Thank you for the tips! I believe in purposeful praise as well. I think it’s extremely important.
I agree! And thank you!
Great parenting tips especially around being a confident parent.
Thank you!!
Great parenting tips especially around being a confident parent.
Thank you!!
Great blog post! Good tips for a kid that’s shy or not as confident.
Thank you Meg!
Great blog post! Good tips for a kid that’s shy or not as confident.
Thank you Meg!
That’s a good article. Definitely useful tips. My daughter is just 2 y.o., doesn’t seem like having any confidence problems, but I do try to praise her for her achievements. I think it’s important.
I agree.. So many people want to withhold praise now-a-days, which I honestly dont get.
That’s a good article. Definitely useful tips. My daughter is just 2 y.o., doesn’t seem like having any confidence problems, but I do try to praise her for her achievements. I think it’s important.
I agree.. So many people want to withhold praise now-a-days, which I honestly dont get.
Thanks for the tips!! These are very useful and its always nice to get advice from other people besides family members 🙂
Thank you Kassandra! And I agree, its nice to get another perspective other than family…
Great advice and tips!
Great advice and tips!
What great tips! I think that we try to use all of these things. It’s so hard to see our little ones struggle, but these are really good ways to help them. Martial arts is great for kids’ confidence!
What great tips! I think that we try to use all of these things. It’s so hard to see our little ones struggle, but these are really good ways to help them. Martial arts is great for kids’ confidence!
Thank you Brandee!
Great job at compiling a list of great tips to boost your child’s confidence! It is amazing how much of a difference in a persons life with confidence! You will provide them with the proper love and support for them to learn that they are worth everything in the world and that they can achieve whatever they put their minds too! Great post, thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much Amanda!!
Great job at compiling a list of great tips to boost your child’s confidence! It is amazing how much of a difference in a persons life with confidence! You will provide them with the proper love and support for them to learn that they are worth everything in the world and that they can achieve whatever they put their minds too! Great post, thanks for sharing!
My oldest is only 4 but I can already see the “lack of confidence” issue starting to develop in her. I try to encourage her by talking to her but you offer some great tips here that I have not even thought about. Although, I have seen that big bright smile when I teach her something new and she does it on her own!!
There is not much that beats those bright smiles of delight!!