I was driving to my grandma’s house when I received a text from my very best friend who I had been anxiously waiting to hear from. She had been admitted to the hospital for some horrible back pain, and had been having some health issues throughout her whole pregnancy with her beautiful baby girl, whom she had just had a few weeks prior.
I came to a red light and quickly looked at the phone not expecting to read what I had just been sent. I felt like the whole world was spinning around me. Like I was being held under water and was unable to come up for air…
“Inoperable cancer….Going to make me comfortable….pray for a miracle…too upset to talk” were only some of the words in that text, but they are the ones that are forever stuck in my mind. I couldn’t catch my breath and tears flowed out of every part of my body.
Thankfully I was only about 15 seconds away from my grandparents house, or else I don’t think I would have made it home. I walked into their house and my grandma was laying on the couch, with my parents, my brother, and my grandpa all sitting around her talking together. You see, she was dying from cancer at that time as well. I couldn’t get out any words. I handed my mom my phone with the text still displayed and then laid down on the couch where my grandma was laying and she wrapped me in her arms and let me cry there for an amount of time I am still unsure of. I felt like a 3 year old child who had just fallen and desperately needed the comfort of a loved one. I just cried and cried, covering her in tears. Everyone in the room was silent. All in disbelief about the news I had just gotten. News we had all been praying and wishing against. After some time my grandmas sweet frail voice said “we need to pray”… and she looked around the room to each person, while still hugging me tight. No one said a word. Everyone had their eyes shut with tears streaming down their faces. Their hearts were so heavy no one could speak. So my grandma started to pray. Louder then she had spoken in weeks. She was so weak physically, but spiritually and emotionally one of the strongest women I had ever known. She prayed the most beautiful prayer. She prayed for my best friend, for her family, for her sweet babies, and for me. It was a moment in time that I will never forget.
Both my grandma and my friend went on to fight a fight like no other. These two fought with everything they had in them. But only 19 days after losing Brit, my grandma also went to be with the Lord. Today marks 4 years without her here.
Losing my grandma made me realize how important it is to leave a legacy behind. My grandma wasn’t famous, she never had a fancy job making a lot of money, but what she left behind was so much more than that. She left traditions. She left memories that are so deeply imbedded in her loved ones heart that they will never be replaced. She had the ability to make someone feel more special than anyone else in the world. When she left this world, she left a legacy. She left living a full life, she took every chance she had to live and lived. She didn’t waste time on petty things, and she didn’t waste time worry about things she couldn’t change. She lived with joy and grace, she lived for the Lord. She smiled at everyone and would hug a complete stranger and love them instantly. She sang and prayed every where she would go, I can still hear her singing “Jesus loves you” sweetly and quietly as she would put me to bed while gently brushing my hair off my face. She was the pillar of our family in so many ways. She helped guide us, and protect us. She was always there to talk and help us through any problem that came our way.
When I look at my own life I often ask myself, what kind of legacy are you leaving? What are your priorities? Where is most of your time spent? Would people be able to say the same things about you when you are gone? Would they say you lived life fully? And the answers sometimes scare me. Because often, I am not living the way I want to be remembered. I worry way too much and spend too much time stressing about the things I have no control over. I don’t savor every day as if it was a gift, even though I know in my heart it is. So today, as I think of my grandma and miss her dearly, I am committing to making a better legacy, I am committing to a better life, for me and my family and truly living my life with a passion to appreciate and learn from every moment. I can only hope I can leave half the legacy my sweet grandma has.
XO Nicole
Lovely writing as always – your grandma sounds like such a sweet and loving person! Very strong and led the family in that prayer.
Thank You Joy! She was an amazing person! Beautiful inside and out!
I’m so sorry for both of your losses and that you had to go through that. But sometimes losing people we love makes us gain perspective on life and allows us to live it to the fullest.
I definitely agree Alia
Your post really touched me and had me in tears. Lately I have been asking myself what kind of legacy will I leave behind and will I be missed. Your grandmother sounded like an amazing woman. I am deeply sorry you lost your friend and your grandma I know it must have been hard. You seem like such a strong woman and I’m sure your grandma is very proud of you!!
Thank you Kim! I sincerely
appreciate that!
This is beautiful, and a great reminder (much needed) for me. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry for your losses.
Thank you Leslie! I have a feeling that the Legacy you leave behind some day will be pretty awesome!!
Wow…just beautifully written Nicole. I’m so sorry for your losses. My husband and I talk about what legacy we will leave behind for our children regularly. It’s so important to think about this as we parent. Thanks for sharing this personal post.
Thank you Yanique!
I just have no words. Your grandma sounds just like mine. She is still here and has finally come around to facing that she might make it to ninety. She used to say it would just be ridiculous to be 90! I am very sorry for your losses.
Your gran sounds lovely and amazing. This post touched me because it reminded me of my gran. We were very close but I live quite a distance from her (about 4 hours by plane and then an hour by boat) and i got so busy recently that I didn’t get to see her for a couple of years before she passed away.