My boys have always been what some would call “Momma’s boys”… When it came to who would tuck them in at night or cuddle with them on the couch, their choice was always me. They had no problem holding my hand in public and always came back for a second hug. When they were hurt, they wanted me. When they were hungry, they came to me. When they were tired, yep me again. In many ways, I felt like I was their everything (and sometimes that task was a bit daunting) but most days that’s what kept a smile on my face.
Things have slowly started to change, especially with my oldest in the past year. His hugs have become more scarce and he often walks too far ahead of me to even have the option of holding my hand. He is slowly but surely becoming a little man right before my eyes, and while I truly find this process pretty incredible, I often find myself wondering how to fit into this new world he is starting to carve out for himself. I feel as though some days I can’t find my footing along his new path and to be honest it has left me feeling kind of lost. His bond with his dad has become stronger than ever before (which I truly love), but it’s weird to be on the out skirts after being his number one for so long. My husband and he will play Legos for hours and “battle army men” like a scene out of a movie. They will talk sports and run around outside without a care in the world, and it seems some days there’s just not a place for me at the “cool kids table.”
Over time, while watching his relationship grow with my husband, I have learned to appreciate the bond between father and son. It’s something that is pretty amazing and I am so grateful that I have a husband who is willing to establish that type of relationship with his kids. But I have to be honest, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling like I was the last kid being picked for dodge-ball in gym class. I just want to be part of my sons “team” so badly that I had almost psyched myself out of being able to do those things with him too.
What I have had to remind myself during this transition is two things 1) It’s okay not to always be my children’s number one, because their dad deserves to fill that place as well and 2) I can do many of the same things my husband does with my boys too. Just because I never really got into Legos or Star Wars as a kid didn’t mean I couldn’t start now. So I sat down one day with him and built our first full kit of Lego’s (which may I add was no easy task!!) I also used all my years of playing soccer to my advantage and starting to really teach my kids how to play soccer, and it has led to a whole new connection with them. They no longer look at me as just the nurturer or the cook, or even the planner or teacher. They look at me now as someone who can do other things than just being a mom. And I have to say, they think it’s pretty stinkin cool that mom can kick the soccer ball perfectly into each corner of the net and they ask to see it again and again. Some days are easier than others, and I’ll admit there are moments when I will wrestle with my boys just to sneak in a hug and there are days I may slip in the word poop or butt into a conversation just to hear their roar of laughter (hey.. you gotta do whatcha you gotta do sometimes).. But what I have also had to remind myself of, is the fact that just like there is no other bond like father and son, there is also a pretty incredible bond between mother and son that cannot be replaced either. After all, the times that still melt my heart the most are when my little man, who will one day be much taller than I, slips on to the couch next to me, throws the blanket over us both, takes my hand and snuggles in tight, all on his own. Those are the moments I realize, this growing older stuff, isn’t too bad after all.
So sweet, Nicole! I have two momma’s boys. I always find it bittersweet when they seek comfort from someone else and have to remind myself of so many of these things, too!
Don’t worry, Nicole–big boys love and need their mothers too. My 22-year-old son moved out last year. He’s always quick with hugs and I love you’s whenever he comes home to see me. My 21-year-old is in college. He is not a hugger in general but I get a big one when he comes home for visits! I look forward to that. My 15-year-old son just told me he loved me out of nowhere last night. There’s nothing like the way boys love their mothers. 🙂