Let’s take a minute and get real:

Three times in the last week I have had another mom say to me:

You have three kids, and you make it looks easy… How do you do it?”

These words stun me every time. Like legitimately stun me. And I am fairly certain that they can tell by the look on my face (for the two that were in person anyway, one was a phone conversation) that these words coming out of their mouths are the most hysterical words I have heard in a long time. My response to all three of them was basically along the lines of

Girl, if you even knew how ‘not put together I was’ you would probably never speak to me again! Motherhood is NOT easy for me!! I fail DAILY. Every single day I face new challenges.”

But I can tell by the tone of their voice they don’t quite believe me. So I am here today to tell you: I DO NOT have it all together. I wish I could say I did. But friends, I simply don’t. I yell daily, I nap any chance I can get, my house is currently turned upside down for no apparent reason (I keep saying it’s because we just got back from camping.. But we have been back 5 days now… And let’s just say half the camping stuff is still in my hallway)… If anything I can’t seem to get it together these last few weeks! I am so behind on blog stuff, my kids go back to school in less than 2 weeks and we still have a bunch of stuff not crossed off our “summer to-do list” (side note: who made those a thing anyway?! I mean who NEEDS a summer to-do list? Isn’t there enough other to-do lists out there.. And then we voluntarily add another list to our already existing to-do lists? I mean..really? Can you say glutton for punishment) Anyways… The list is not entirely checked off (my 7 year old reminds me daily) and neither are any other list I currently have.

And yet I sit here. On my couch at 9:48 pm and have absolutely zero interest in checking off anything on my many lists. And that’s when those voices of “you’re so put together.. How do you do it” come in and I feel like a fraud. Like some how I have let these women down by not just being completely real. So I am getting real. I am a mess, ladies. I am swimming in mom guilt up to my eye balls about all the things I wish we had gotten to these last few months off from school. I am feeling beyond sad that summer is coming to an end and I know that in less than 2 weeks BOTH of my little men will walk into that elementary school and before I know it my world will be forever changed. I know I have probably spent too much time on my phone and computer and I will probably sit down one day and wish I could do it all over again.

And that’s where I am at.

But… And here’s maybe the key ingredient of coming across as “put together”…

I know in my heart that God isn’t asking for perfection. He isn’t saying “Nicole, you failed today.. Your list is a mile long and you are not worthy because you didn’t check off everything on that list”… Instead I know he is giving me grace, and only wants me to put my heart into everything I do. It says in Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men”… Do things that will honor the Lord. Notice how it says “not for men” I think about how often I am working so hard to please others, or to “appear put together”… When really I should be working so hard to make sure my heart is in the right place.

I find comfort in this, because our children so often reflect the Lords heart. They don’t really care about the lists (sure I joked about my 7 year old reminding me about the lists) but the truth of the matter is: at the end of the day he cares where my heart was that day. Meaning: he cares where my attention was.. Where I was present. How I showed love that day. And He certainly doesn’t care about perfection. And that’s what I have to remind myself of at the end of the day. I have to ask “was my heart in the right place today?” And if I can honestly answer yes, then I know that’s all that God has asked from me, and I have to let all the mommy guilt and the daily stresses go.

So I guess I am writing all this to say: I may not have it all together, and although I am flattered that some of you have thought otherwise, the truth is I am just like many other parents out there. I crumble under pressure, I am always second guessing myself, and I unfortunately have a lot of regrets. But what I can say is I serve a God that is forgiving, and who covers me in grace daily. And only through him do I have it even the littlest bit together. And for that I am truly thankful.