Have you ever found yourself feeling so unsettled you almost don’t feel comfortable in your own skin? Like almost as if you’re wandering around searching for something desperately, but yet, you have no idea what you’re looking for. You have no clue why your heart is racing, and why you’re about to burst into tears.. Yet there you are, wondering how to make things feel right again?
Mommas, I have a confession to make. This was me, not too long ago. My heart was not in a good place. I felt stretched too thin and at times felt as though I had no one to turn to. I looked around me and everyone seemed to have life figured out. They had successful jobs, obedient children, perfectly built houses… And I.. I am a stay at home mom, who’s kids appear to all be going through a “difficult stage”.. A stage that my three year old seemed to take on with pride and without remorse. I have one foot into the writing world and the other one dangling aimlessly, not quite ready to fully jump all in, and my home is no where near my dream home.
To be honest.. I wasn’t sure where my community began and where it ended. I wasn’t quite sure where I fit in, and never fully felt “right”. I felt like I only sort of belonged in so many little sub-communities, which only heighten my awareness of how much I actually didn’t belong at all. It wasn’t until I actually began to really acknowledge and put words to my feelings, that I realized just how much I had completely lost sight of the community that meant the most to me.
One day, in the height of not knowing who to turn to, after an extra challenging day… I fell to my knees and just cried. I had convinced myself that my husband couldn’t fully understand my heart and even my best friends didn’t completely understand just how lost I felt. But yet, I had never told them.
As I sat there and cried I felt such a familiar presence.. Almost as if someone who knew all of me, including every single fear and joy my heart has ever felt, had just entered the room, tapped me on the shoulder and said “talk to me”. In that moment the Lord met me there, on my floor, amidst laundry baskets full of clothes that needed to be folded and reminded me “I see you, you’re not alone. Look around you. I have never left you, I have only graciously continued to bless you.” It was only then that I was able to take the blinders off and look around me, and see just how blessed both my life and the community God had helped to build around me, was.
So often we are convinced by others that if we aren’t living in a dream house, or taking extravagant vacations, with 2.5 children, working a job that seems effortless, that we have failed. That we some how, somewhere along the way, we messed up. And sister, I want you to hear me… That’s not true. Life is not perfect. It is so far from perfect that it’s actually silly to think someone else has the perfect life. Because they don’t. None of us do. I think far too often we surround ourselves with a community of people that don’t actually know us. They don’t know our daily struggles, they don’t know our deepest pain, and they don’t know what our actual dreams are. Yet we rely on them to tell us how life should look.
But then God.
Funny how that works right? But then God… We forget to call on him until we are at the end of our rope, and just as we feel like we can’t hold on any longer, we reach out and find Gods hand that’s been there all along. And he graciously reminds you of this other community.. The community that actually means the most to you, yet some how was pushed aside by all those other sub-communities.
Our husbands, our children, our extremely close-knit friends and family, and most importantly God. This should be the only community we are actually actively seeking and reflecting on, but some how, they often get the least of us because we have our eyes focused on the wrong “community”…
So today my friends, remember to keep your eyes focused on what matters most to you. Keep your eyes on your dreams, your goals, your family, your Heavenly Father, and I can promise you this: All those other sub-communities, won’t feel so important anymore. And you won’t feel so lost anymore either.