Happy 2018 friends!! This New Year I will be working very hard on clarity. As many of you know I have often struggled with anxiety… letting worry completely consume me at times. It’s drained me of not just my joy but often of just being able to do every day things.
However I have been spending a lot more time the last few months trying to actually pin point my “triggers” as some may call them. It was super important to me to enter into a new year with a different mind set than I had in 2017. I have been determined to find clarity because what I have found is my anxiety often came from uncertainty. And can I tell you a secret? I think some people in my life knew this, and actually used that against me. Sounds pretty awful right? Well in ways, it is. But in other ways, I allowed myself to fall victim to that. I allowed myself to be triggered by people in my life that I knew deep down did not have my best intentions in mind, yet I still let their opinions and words affect me, greatly.
The other end of that is, I then would allow my own insecurities or anxieties to influence how I would personally treat others, often affecting the ones I love most in life. When I wasn’t feeling good about myself, I couldn’t give my best self to those around me that truly deserved it.
Does that make sense?
Essentially, my best was effected by someone else’s worst.. And then it cycled back through and my worst affected other people’s best. Life is strange that way, isn’t it? And in many ways it seems obvious, right?
We know ultimately we affect others and they affect us yet we don’t always make sure we are affecting them in a good way. We sometimes thrive on having the upper hand. We may get a little rush out of knowing we may be keeping something from another person because we are in the know and they are not. We don’t call someone out when we see them intentionally leaving someone else out, because we are just thankful it isn’t us. But do you want to know something? None of that gives us clarity. None of that gives us joy or peace. It stirs up insecurities of our own. It makes us uneasy and unsettled. And I for one am done living that way.
If you have a friend who cannot rejoice in your success or celebrate with you when something meaningful happens in your life? Are they a true friend?
If you have a family member who can’t support and respect the way you’re raising your family or crosses the line and imposes themselves where they don’t belong? Are they really acting like family?
If you have a co-worker who is always whispering behind your back yet never says a negative thing to your face, are they a trust worthy colleague?
If your self worth that day came from the amount of Facebook likes you received, is that a day worth counting?
I can’t answer these questions for you. I can’t tell you if someone you hope and pray is a real honest to God good friend… only you can.
I can’t tell you if you have a family member in your life that may be more toxic to you then loving, Only you can.
I can’t tell you if the job you are at is right for you, and that you’ll look back in 10 years and be thankful for the work you have put in. Only you can.
And I certainly can’t tell you how much each one of those Facebook likes should be worth to you (but I pray it not be a lot.. you are worth so much more than that!!)
But what I can tell you is, find clarity, my sweet friend.
Search for it.
Fight for it.
Because without clarity we walk through this life uncertain and lost. My 2018 wish for each one of you is genuine clarity.